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Night Before Christmas in Music City

December 24, 2008

Twas the Night Before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a Nashvillian was stirring, not even Allison Kraus.
Titan jerseys were hung in closets with care
In hopes that Albert Hanesworth would soon find repair.
Musicians were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of #1 singles all danced in their heads.
Mrs. Dean in her dress, and Karl in his cap
Had just sped through Chief Serpas’ speed trap.
When out of Centennial Park, there arose such a clatter
Karl sprang from the driver’s seat to see what was the matter.
First to the Parthenon, he flew away quick
Then to Tootsies only stopping to steal a purple brick.
The moon shone across the Cumberland that night
Giving the light of midday even showing Exit/In within sight.
When, what to his tired eyes should appear,
But Bill Frist and eight tiny white-tailed deer.
And then an F-150 came crashing so quick
From the tailpipes thunder, he knew it was good ole St. Nick.
Faster than Chris Johnson, his elves they came
He whistled and hollered and called them by name,
Now Jeff! Now Martha! Now Joe and Martina!
On Howard! On Barry! On Trace and Jo Dee Messina!
To the top of the General Jackson! To the top of the boat!
Now row away! Row away! Row away all!
As Interstate 24 at 4:30
They all got in line looking so ‘purty’.
So up, up the Cumberland all the friends they flew
With a boat full of toys, and St. Nicolas too.
And, then in a moment, he saw from a distance
The General Jackson flying with little resistance.
As Karl was yawning and turning around,
Down Broadway St. Nicholas came in a bound.
He was dressed in all camo from his head to toes,
His clothes were all messy from his earlier trip to Lowe’s .
A bundle of toys he had flung over his shoulder
He looked like a man trying to carry a boulder.
In his eyes you could tell, a good year it had been
In his hand a Powerball ticket, he was lucky to win.
He carried trophies for the Titans and for the ‘Dores,
Even brought for the Vols some off-season chores.
The stump of a cigarette he held tight in his teeth,
The smoke ring encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little beer belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was Southern as could be with a twang in his speech,
Then Karl noticed it wasn’t really St. Nick, he let out a screech.
A wink of the eye and a drop of the jaw,
Soon let him know that he’d done nothing against the law.
He spoke not a word, and packed up his bag
But stop to fill up Karl’s pockets with dixie swag.
And holding his finger way up above his head
He gave a last nod, and up Broadway he fled.
He sprang to his horse, to his friends gave a holler,
And away they all flew leaving Karl with a dollar.
But I heard him yell as they rode out of sight…
Merry Christmas to y’all, and to y’all a good night!
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