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August 10, 2009

I don’t want to go back.

Because I know that as soon as I do… it will be the way it was before. I’ve only been gone for one month now, not long enough to forget exactly how each day was before I left. And I know that when I return I will fall back into it all.

Back into what everyone expects of me. Back into what everyone wants from me. Back into what they’ve all designed for me to be. But that’s not what I want my life to be about. I want my life to be designed around the spontaneity that I have discovered in the past 4 years and even more within the past 4 weeks. I want to remember the courage it takes. And I want to build much further upon that. There’s so much I want to do. But I’ve got to decide the starting point. Without a clue of where to begin.

Most of all, I fear that I will desert all of what I’ve learned for all that is comfortable. I hope in those moments, that I will read what I wrote before. And I hope that I will just take a minute to remember that which was stirred up within me.

To know that helping people is what’s important. There’s limitless possibilities when it comes to that. So much help to be given in this world. So, all it takes is an open heart filled with courage. Perhaps nothing else but faith. Can I just bottle up that feeling and remember what it was like to decide that I want MORE??

Life can be whatever I want it to be. There are so many what if’s that I would like to know the answers to. But sitting around waiting for all questions to be answered just makes me an old man in a rocking chair. There’s a fire inside me. A passion which no other person can stop. Only myself.

Hard times. Dark days. Disoriented people. Make you want to plan to stay home next year. But what good is comfort on days like today? When you want to impact people and change the world…

No one will ask you how comfortable your life is, but where have you been? What have you seen? And what have you changed? No one cares about what you say you will do. No. They care about what you have done. No one cares that you desire to help. No. They care that your desire to help has changed them. You have to use your abilities to reach inside other people’s worlds. To touch them where their hearts lie. You cannot change people with your words. But you sure can convince them with what you do.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 10, 2009 6:45 pm

    Don’t go back. Live your life the way that it will make you happy. I quit a 14 year career at BASF to live life once more, via people and family interaction.
    I’m struggling and battling each day, but each battle is won, and I will have no regrets.
    Best of luck and,

    • August 11, 2009 8:05 am

      ah, best of luck to you in your new start. I have faith that you will succeed since you are obviously trying hard for what you want. Very good for you! Thanks for your comment, hope you return…

  2. 2blu2btru permalink
    August 10, 2009 6:51 pm

    Hey, ran across your blog randomly “tag surfing,” I believe it’s called. The place you are in right now is a place very familiar to me. You put it in words with such eloquence, I had to leave a note. I think that you can hold on to the feelings, the passion and fire you have only if you allow your inner flame to breathe. A fire needs oxygen and cannot survive smothered by other people’s expections or looks of disappointment. Step back from that as often as you can, keep faith, and keep connections open with people who support the “you” that you are building. I just started my blog on here and am by no means an expert in life, but those are my two cents.

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