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Hoping for More

September 13, 2009

LearningtoLetGoHoping that it will be easier. More today than yesterday. More tomorrow than today. Most of the time it is. But there are those days. Days when you just don’t want to get out of bed. Because you feel like part of you is missing. Lost somewhere. You know where it is. But you’re ashamed to tell. It is still stuck with the person you don’t know if you will ever see again. You wonder if they ever feel the same way. If they want to see you too. But time and distance and communication make this pain difficult to bear. If only you were closer, if only you could speak, if only you could understand. We all know it would probably only be harder, but we tell ourselves it would make everything okay. Just to be with that person. One more time. You would never let them go. You would hold on for dear life. Never blinking an eye in fear that they would disappear. So you spend your whole life grasping what you are afraid to lose. Never embracing anything new. So, you have what you want, but are scared to death to experience more. I’ve learned that sometimes bad things aren’t so bad. But favors in camouflage. I’m trying harder to embrace the spontaneity of life. The twists and turns of not expecting can be the best parts of it all.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2009 8:37 pm

    this is like my conscience talking

  2. courtney903 permalink
    September 15, 2009 1:42 am

    honestly, you say everything so well.

    and you’re a lot like me, i think, in that it seems you can’t help but punctuate pain with hope.

    good luck. you’ll get there. 🙂

  3. September 26, 2009 12:54 pm

    Yes. This is what it is like. Love and Fear. The battle. The everlasting wonder. Letting go or holding on.

    Much wisdom can be found in music so once again, lyrics that speak to me, from “when it hurts so bad” by Lauryn Hill:

    “what you want might make you cry and what you need might pass you by if you don’t catch it. what you need ironically will turn out what you want to be, if you just let it”

    (Don’t be afraid to love and to tell her, to give all you got and to discover giving is getting. Keep the faith. You will know)

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