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The Joy of Unexpectation

September 27, 2009

joyofunexpectationSMALLERI’m the most uptight laidback person you’ll ever meet. I’m careful about being carefree. (Although, I haven’t decided if this is a fault, a strength, or just the way it is.)

Part of me likes knowing what to expect out of life, but a slightly bigger part of me loves not having a clue what’s around the corner. I remember my last semester of classes during college. I remember the feeling that came with finishing that phase of my life. I remember being so excited because I felt like I could do anything in the world I wanted to next.

I could stay here, I could go there or there or there. It didn’t matter. It was up to me. I could work in marketing, go to grad school or I could join the PeaceCorps. It was up to me. And, oh man, did it feel good to have a clear horizon. 

I try to learn from others’ experiences too. I guess that’s why I read so many blogs. Two of my friends had the same experience at the end of their college careers, but it brought them decidedly different feelings about life. It left one of them uneasy, worried and scared about what would come flying around the corner at her. She let the anxiety paralyze her future. On the other hand, another friend allowed the unknown to propel her forward. She would realize her passion or create a new one. And these two different paths have led to two different lives. Totally different lives. One is no more valuable than the other, but only one feels valuable. Neither is prideful, but only one has realized that the life she is living must be lived now [in this very moment.]

But with life comes seasons. And I think I’m nearing a crossroads again, my first since the end of college. I’m thinking [in advance] about what is next for me. I don’t know what’s coming, but I feel the future getting closer. And I’m trying to remember my two friends. I am studying my notes to be ready for the unexpected. I’m carefully laying out what I can’t plan. But the best part is that I am so excited about what’s next. I don’t want to overthink it, but be ready to embrace whatever and wherever this life takes me.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 27, 2009 11:41 pm

    I like the line, “I’m carefully laying out what I can’t plan.” Sounds a little like how I feel about all the change that I know is coming my way in the coming months.

  2. October 9, 2009 5:52 pm

    You sound like me 🙂 I looove not knowing, at the same time, I think about what I “want” to happen a lot, so maybe those two forces work against each other…

    Either way, it is a process of acceptance (and obviously of curiousity and excitement…;)

    Because life is a good thing!

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