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I Think I’ll Go to Boston

November 1, 2009

She said I think I’ll go to Boston…
I think I’ll start a new life,
I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather,
I think I’ll get a lover and fly em out to Spain…
I think I’ll go to Boston,
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind…
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset,
I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice…
-Boston, by Augustana

Change. It gets me everytime. I do love change. Well, mostly. I love change when I am in control of it. But I’m not a control freak at all.

I think my love for change is the biggest reason why I love being single. I can go wherever, do whatever, be whoever without worrying about the effects on a ‘significant other’. But, what happens when someone like me starts to c h a n g e ? Lately, I’ve felt selfish, and, yes, I’ve found myself wanting a r-r-r-r-relationship. [Man, that’s real hard for me to say.] I’ve always been one for promoting singularity. And, now, I find myself needing to justify it. Not because I don’t believe it’s extremely helpful in growing yourself as an individual, because I do believe that… But because I have found that given the right relationship it can make you an even better person than you could be by yourself. Did I really just say that? Oops.

There are some mighty things to be learned when you have to give up part of yourself in hopes of receiving someone’s heart in return. [Not that you really have to give up anything, but I think you know what I mean…It sure feels like it sometimes.]

And, I wish it were that easy. “Okay, I’m ready to be in a relationshit relationship… so all is hunky dory now.” Oh noooo, being ready is only the tip of the iceberg here. It’s hard when the person… that understands and who knows what you want/what you need… is 212 miles of concrete away.

Sometimes it’s just easier for me to run from the situation. To hide out and hope that it all passes over while I’ve got my head tucked and my eyes closed. I think I’ll go somewhere far from here. So I don’t have to clean up the mess I’ve made. So I can just start over with new surroundings.

But would I just be delaying relationship maturity by trying to escape this difficulty? Perhaps.

I’m not good at this. I don’t think I ever will be. But if I had it perfected, I’d have one less thing to write about. And, well, I’m not ready to give up any of my writing… yet.

[By the way, I am actually going to Boston this week! Long weekend vacation :]

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 3, 2009 1:44 am

    This post could solicit several responses, but I’ll go with the one that I feel the most comfortable posting on the net: do you ever wonder though if you are with the “right” significant other that you can still go wherever, do whatever and be whoever without worrying about the effects on that person? I do. I mean, you obviously have to be considerate of that other person for sure, but I really wonder sometimes that when I’m with someone that really does sharpen me as an individual and vice versa if I wouldn’t just find that you really still can go wherever, do whatever and be whoever because you’ just end up being so in sync with one another that there are few issues with such matters… I hope that makes sense.

    BTW, I’m so jealous of you going to Boston. It’s so one of my favorite cities after Chicago and Nashville.

  2. courtney903 permalink
    November 3, 2009 12:46 pm

    Wanting something almost never means you’re ready for something… but relationships are the kinds of things that maybe you’re never actually ready for. You’ve just gotta dive in, you know? I’m struggling with the same thing myself. For as hard as I try, I’m terrified. But I try.

    So try. I’ll be here cheering you on!
    And have a grand time in Boston.

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