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Girly Pansy Snowflake

November 15, 2009

Less than a week ago, blogger friend and real-life cool chick Courtney Olson used a phrase I’d never heard before. Girly pansy snowflakes. Men.

Courtney was writing of her frustrations with men and basically how they usually don’t do what they promise/imply. I believe my response to her post was ‘Hmmmm.’ It took me quite some time to think of an actual response to Courtney’s post. One, because I was left feeling awfully confused after reading it, while all of the ladies’ comments seemed to echo and ‘amen’ her same frustrations. It’s quite possibly universally understood by women that… Men frustrate women. Constantly. I wasn’t confused because I’d never heard this before. I was confused because I realized in that moment that I have been a girly pansy snowflake. Not on purpose and not all of the time. But still. Perhaps today is when I should begin a password protected blog or go into witness protection to be kept safe from my guy friends that could read this. Because I just called myself three man-forbidden words.

Hmmmm.

So, I wanted to figure out why this topic could possibly be one of the most blogged about sentiments for 20-something age women. And then I realized that coming up with a cure to ‘man stupid’ disease would be more complicated than devising a plan for world peace. Perhaps if men and women saw eye to eye and communicated perfectly, the world would be at peace. So, here’s the problem… men. and women. they are never going to understand each other. Not really understand each other. Ever.

Little boys learn very different things growing up than little girls.

Here are some examples of what I remember learning from peers/society on how boys should be:
1. tougher = better
2. only exception on the tougher rule was to never be tough to a girl
3. emotions should not exist
4. respect trumps love 
5. if you aren’t tough, if you hurt a girl, if you have emotions, or if you speak of love before respect…. then you are obviously either a) a girl or b) gay

I’m just saying. I’m not making excuses. Okay, maybe I am. But when you realize you are a girly pansy snowflake, who can blame you for coming up with excuses?

Maybe. Just maybe. These early lessons have played their own roles in my life. And, granted, I am by no means a typical guy. But still. I am a guy, and I’m only relating my own experiences. Growing up, when I was told to be nice, I was nice. Out of my way nice many times. When I was told not to have emotions, I tried that too. Mostly that never worked, but I tried. I avoided commitment. I didn’t get attached.

And in the end, I started saying, ‘I’ll call you.’ With every intention of wanting to call. And never calling because what if that started a relationship? What if I got attached? What if they realized I’m not tough? At all. What if all of the sudden everyone realized that I am not at all who I pretended to be? So I’ll call you, but no, really I won’t. Because you just might figure me out.

At least this is how I was at one point during my life.

Girly Pansy Snowflake.

Me.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Courtney permalink
    November 15, 2009 11:07 pm

    Awh. Ben.

    First of all, I hope I wasn’t insulting to you. I HEART you BigTime. I think you know that but in case you didn’t… now you do.

    I think the “girly pansy snowflake” thing (obviously the words of a very frustrated girl, not words I would generally use to describe men as a whole) is something that really illustrates immaturity in [potential] relationships. And I may have mentioned this later on my blog, certainly not within that post, but even though that rant really called out three different guys, the main frustration was aimed at one in particular. In the other cases, the not calling thing ended up being… something that just didn’t happen. Just like you said. Best intentions and all that, but in the end just not meant to be. And I was okay with it. And in one case I stopped making excuses for myself and just tried again. That seems to be working out alright.

    The other situation I WAS frustrated with, though? It wasn’t about innocent missteps or silly misunderstandings. It was about being treated rudely and unfairly and like… an object. And that’s not just the sign of immaturity, it’s the sign of an asshole. And not all men are like that. Most men I’ve known haven’t been. They’ve been scared, frustrating, indecipherable, yes… but all that is forgivable because I know I’ve often been the same way. No, this was about guys who are NOTHING like you and could never dream of being anything like you. Because you ARE a good guy. Through and through.

    🙂

    Good post.
    You’re not a girly pansy snowflake.
    but Good post.

  2. November 15, 2009 11:20 pm

    thanks Courtney… 🙂

    I loved your original post. I think it’s great when writing stirs up passion within us that makes us reflect on ourselves. That’s what good writing does, and you, my friend, are a great writer.

    Okay, maybe I’m not an asshole, but I still have been a snowflake at times. I took no offense to your post. I value an honest look at guys from the opposite sex. Perhaps my post was meant to be an apology for not letting people get too close to me. For that, I am guilty.

    I do try to be a good guy. But I’ve had my missteps, and I’ll have more. I find that when I own up to them, I grow up. I’m not letting them weigh me down, but by acknowledging them, hopefully I’m allowing them to push me up.

    Thank YOU for your words, Courtney!

  3. Brannon permalink
    November 16, 2009 5:34 pm

    Almost sounds like identity…not crisis but confusion? When you say you aren’t a typical guy I’m assuming you mean naturally but then you were taught to fit the mold of a typical guy at an early age by all the points you listed above. And since you might not have naturally been that way, this led to some confusion.

    We all have a fear of being found out and I think we all pretend to be something we aren’t, even if it’s just a little bit, so we can impress people or fit in. I’m definitely guilty of this. The only way to rectify that is to be as genuine as possible, which is obviously easier said than done.

    I think we just always have to strive to be as true to ourselves as possible and if we can achieve that, we won’t have those fears of being found out because we were never putting up a pretense in the first place.

    And I think this can apply to girls and guys.

    • November 16, 2009 6:31 pm

      AMEN. I’m a work in progress. But I kind of like it that way. Thanks for your comment, Brannon.

  4. November 17, 2009 12:43 am

    I think we’re ALL guilty of not letting people get close to us for one reason or another, man and woman. And it’s funny to me because I think in the end what we all want is to BE close to someone… it’s just kind of scary to allow it to happen sometimes.

    • November 17, 2009 6:44 pm

      I think that’s usually true, and life has its own phases which we go in and out of too…

  5. November 19, 2009 11:53 am

    They don’t do what they promise because as they say a promise is a comfort to a fool. If a man is concerned or promise anything he will pull out the stop to accomplish it.

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